with releasing their anthology album and celebrating 9 years of their debut, bts is lighting the world on fire. again.
maybe you have that friend who keeps rambling to you about bts and you’re annoyed, maybe you think their music is overrated, or maybe you just don’t like the band- but my love, there’s a reason why so many people say that BTS literally saved their lives, and i can confirm that that isn’t an exaggeration.
this post is just me pouring out my raw feelings onto a laptop screen, because these guys- and this experience- mean so much to me, and they’re so close to my heart sometime it hurts.
being a bts army isn’t a singular experience- everyone starts off differently and has their personal reasons to stan them, and has different journeys. so today i thought of sharing my own.
i’d say it all started when i watched the dynamite mv but when i look back, i can say it started way before. you see, my cousin sister was OBSESSED with them. her discovering them was random, but boy, she had fallen seriously in love.
so i had to hear about all the rants about them- i already knew before becoming an army that suga wanted to be a stone in his next life, how good of a leader namjoon is and how jimin was always falling off chairs. i had heard a few songs of them from spotify playlists before, but nothing huge changed: i listened music from many artists so i never remembered any songs particularly- i felt pretty neutral about them.
(a little bit of backstory here) in 2021, from june to december, my family went through a really bad patch and the adults were occupied trying to solve whatever mess we were in. we kids of the house were pretty much left to ourselves- and while that wasn’t the worst part- there wasn’t a single moment when we could be happy. life was empty, dark and all of us kept praying for someone to get us out this mess.
one evening i decided to play the dynamite music video on my laptop and god, was i blown away.
i was amazed how good these people danced. how amazing their voices were. how breathtaking they looked. every singe scene they had me awed- i kept pausing every 2 seconds and then rewinding so that i could enjoy the whole thing.
but most of all, this song touched me because i hadn’t seen anything that made me feel this happy in a long, long time. it made me wanna get up early and smell the flowers and skip my way to school and enjoy life– something uplifting that my life had lacked since months.
i had been navigating through the dark for so much time, i had forgotten there was something called light. bts were the ones who took my hand and helped me find that light.
At the end of my despair
I found you, don’t forget
You’re my last reason
~Magic Shop, BTS
And yes, that is how i fell down the bangtan hole. but i had someone to share this magical experience with- my brother was right my side, screaming, crying, dancing,
simping. every time i felt sad, there were countless run bts episodes and video compilations and interviews that made me laugh at their goofiness.
Run BTS is probably my favourite thing to watch anytime- each member is at their best and funniest, and you discover so many little thing about them. And talking about the members, each of them has such a unique personality and they all balance the team out- plus they’re all literally #FriendshipGoals- i can imagine them hanging out and having fun even if they weren’t a band or idol group.
there’s namjoonie- the leader, the reader, the face of the group (with those dimples, how can he NOT be??) and the one never forgets about the members’ well-being and happiness. then we have jin, the mommy, the fake maknae, our worldwide handsome guy who never fails to make us laugh and is army’s moon. yoongi, the savage cat and rapper extraordinaire who wants to become a stone, and loves the members so much but won’t show it and has the cutest smile EVER. hobi, my sunshine, my love, his whole vibe is so positive and elegant and bright omg- and he can kill you with his dance moves. jiminshi (or JIMIN-SSHII as jk would say) baby mochi, our angel, our king of duality– perfect vocals, perfect looks and perfect moves. tae tae- voice deeper than the sea, visuals higher than the heaven– my first bias- so weird, goofy and adorable that you won my heart. and jungkook- our “international playboy”, our golden, good-at-everything maknae who has so many talents that we’ve lost count- the baby of the group who can sleep anywhere.
all these insider jokes, these references, these little joys i get everyday from discussing with my army friends- so much of it all i owe to them. watching In The Soop, or Bon Voyage, or Run BTS give me so much serotonin, and i know that whenever i feel low, i can always count on them to make me feel better. bts, in a way, taught me that happiness is precious and every moment matters. they taught me self love and brought me up from a place of insecurity and anxiety.
i’m not saying that bts made every struggle of my life go away- that isn’t true for anyone. what bts did do was give me the strength to carry on, the hope that bad things wouldn’t last, and the joy that i needed when there was nothing to be happy about. it gave me a sense of belonging, because being in a fandom like the army is exhilarating and warm and makes you feel like you’ve reached home after a tiring journey.
Even if the earth crumbles
No matter who shakes this world
Don’t let go of my hand
and of course, their songs. the way their music makes me feel is something that i can’t put into words no matter how much i try. legit all of their discography is AMAZING- and i’m not just saying this because i’m an army. they’re not just amazing vocalists and rappers, but also talented lyricists- another reason why i adore their songs so much.
- Spring Day is the song that absolutely destroys me- the music, the vocals, the references, the raps, the chorus- god. i LOVE jimin’s part towards the end the most, because how raw and emotional he sounds, it’s like he poured everything into singing it and dude- it killed me ok.
- We Are Bulletproof: The Eternal is one of the first songs i totally fell in love with– it made me feel breathless and made me tear up because it’s just. so. beautiful. especially the lines: tell me your every story, tell me why you don’t stop this / tell me why you still walkin’, walkin’ with us. 🥺🥺 Mikrokosmos is another song that i know i can always count on to pick me up. the bond between bts and army is something so unique and wholesome man- melts my heart.
- one night i was playing Film Out for the first time and -guys i kid you not- i literally BURST into tears. this song personally moved me so much and the lyricism is out of the world ‼️
that part when j-hope’s verse ends and jungkook comes in to say just one line and then taehyung sweeps the song off >>>>> . absolutely loved bawling my eyes out to this on various occasions (all past 1 am).
- Epiphany is the song that i physically CAN NOT stop repeating and crying to. seokjin’s voice is so emotional and raw and powerful– i could go on about it forever but now i’m just gonna go wipe off my tears because this song is so moving i cried again 😀
- Black Swan, which terrified me and touched me like nothing before. it talks about artists and the fear that you’ll lose passion in your art and it’s an absolute MASTERPIECE. as a peron who faces burnout and creative blocks, this song just awes me so much.
- Pied Piper, ON and Fake Love are some songs that stole my heart from when I was just getting into bts, and even today i can just play them and vibe like there’s no tomorrow. (even tho i know that pied piper is just them telling me to study but we’re gonna ignore that 🙂)
- and the last song on this list is very close to my heart. i play it every time i’m feeling low, every time i need a remainder that bad things do not last, every time anxiety and insecurity hit me. maybe it’s not my favorite song (because everyone knows i can’t choose a fave) but it’s definitely my most played song. for those who didn’t guess it yet, it’s life goes on 💖
Stopped for now but don’t hide in the shadow
Once again daylight will glow
~Life Goes On, BTS
it’s not just their music and fun personalities, but the fact that they have all been through so much of pain- opposition from families, hate, being ignored at almost every point, having to manage work, school and training (yoongi used to work as a delivery boy and severely injured his shoulder because of an accident)- they’re here because they truly, really deserve it and i honestly can’t name anyone else who would’ve worked harder for it.
sometimes i wonder why i didn’t discover and listen to them before and feel kind of guilty for it- but there’s this really popular saying in the army that goes “it’s okay if you didn’t discover BTS in 2013, because you find them when you need them the most” and that rings SO TRUE. If it wasn’t for bts at that point of my life, i can’t imagine what i would have become- or what life would be anymore.
having these 7 people in my life- even tho it’s just through songs and videos- has made me open and grateful to so many things. life without them is something that i can’t even fathom now- and i hope everyone knows the reason why ARMY holds them in such high regard and respect, and why they’re so passionate about these wonderful guys.
In the dark dawn, spreading trembling wings
Keep on shining make it brighter than a spotlight
~Dream Glow, BTS
today, june 13 is bts’ debut date, and i feel so, so glad to be a part of this global phenomenon that is bts and army :’) to every army out there, let’s continue living this purple life. 💜
and finally, to those seven men in South Korea who turned my life around- maybe i didn’t join your journey from day one. maybe i was missing from your journey for years. i haven’t been here from the start, but i promise i’ll be here till the end. maybe we’ll never meet in this life, maybe i will never get to tell you how much you mean to me, but i’ll still support you from the stands. because no matter how far apart we are, your light shines on me. (yep that’s a lyric reference) 보라해.